U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
