we have pet lesbian snakes
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
