Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
