I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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