She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
