We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
