I want to make a zoo with you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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