so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
