I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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