Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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