My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
