i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
