Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
