so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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