I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
