please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
