Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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