I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
