Pappa wants mamma naked
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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