Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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