someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
