Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
