1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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