alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
two words: eviction party
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
