he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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