I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
