But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
