All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
