Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
