i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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