Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
