you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
