i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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