he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
