your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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