i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
