bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
