you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
