can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
