The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
