If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
