i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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