Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
