take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
