he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
