that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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