Im at strip club and am horny
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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