My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
