you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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