Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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